Ten Tips for Great Roommate Relationships
1.Get to know each one another. You’ve got your first opportunity to make a new friend.
Take the time to ask and answer questions – about family, hobbies, academic
interests, etc
2.Talk it out. Communication is the key in building any successful relationship. Sit down and talk about habits, preferences, moods, and values. Even if your roommate is your “best friend,” you will be surprised to find out some things you did not know about him/her. If something is bothering you, the sooner you talk about it, the sooner it can be resolved.
3.Be open and friendly. You and your roommate may not have the same taste in clothing or music, but you likely share some of the same concerns and apprehensions. Be the first to step out of your comfort zone.
4.Be understanding. Everyone has bad days. Remember that you may not always be aware of the issues your roommate is dealing with, but there’s most likely a good reason for his or her actions. A sympathetic ear might help a lot.
5.Give each one another space. Togetherness is great, but you and your roommate both need time alone. If that doesn’t pop up naturally, talk about it.
6.Ask before you borrow. Suddenly you have twice the wardrobe or twice the music! But everyone has a different comfort level when it comes to lending belongings. Asking first helps avoid misunderstandings.
7.Define “neat." Whether you are a self-proclaimed “neat-freak” or a slob, you have another person's feelings to consider. With a little give and take, you can each adjust accordingly and make your home comfortable.
8.Discuss visitation. Talk about when it is and is not okay to have guests in the room.
9.Schedule study times. Let your roommate know in advance when you have a big exam or paper coming up. He or she will be aware that you need some quiet time. A roomful of friends when you are stressed may lead to a bad score or grade and hurt feelings.
10.Pick a co-curricular activity to share. There is nothing like having something in common to care or talk about. If you aren’t involved in any of the same activities, you are likely to see each other only at bedtime. You may feel like you’re sleeping in a room with a stranger!
Other Helpful Hints to Make it Work
Establish Ground Rules: Roommates need to establish ground rules regarding sharing belongings, cleaning the room, using the phone, paying bills, entertaining guests, and studying. Knowing where your roommate stands on these matters prevents future disagreements.
Discuss
potential areas of conflict:
• Be open to compromises.
• If your roommate is doing something you don’t like, don’t repress
your feelings. Its usually better to air gripes than to store up a lot
of petty grievances, which lead to a major blow up.
• Be considerate of your roommate’s privacy. Never assume
your roommate is just like you. You are both individuals.
• Always ask permission. Don’t just use the iron or eat
the cookies, even if you think it might be O.K.
• Appreciate your roommate. Praise, respect, and courtesy are the foundations
for any positive relationship.
• Avoid being judgmental. You are not your roommate’s keeper.
• Be honest and assertive, and stand up for yourself.
• Ask your Resident Advisor or Area Director for advice.
They are trained to help mediate conflicts.
You and your roommate are individuals with particular interests, goals, likes and dislikes. You may not find it necessary to share every aspect of college life with your roommate. If conflicts do arise, speak with your roommate first; talk through the problem before it becomes a major conflict. If, after talking with your roommate, you still can’t resolve the conflict, talk with your Resident Advisor or Area Director. Your hall staff is experienced in dealing with roommate problems and can give you some sound advice. Remember, though, you owe your roommate the courtesy of speaking with him or her first.